I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize
