i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
