if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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