Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
