I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
