he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
