dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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