My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
