she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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