At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
