I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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