I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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