yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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