WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
