I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
