omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
