Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
