I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
