Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she woke up with a sticky ear
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
