The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
