the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
