Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
