Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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