Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just had sex bonerless
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
