Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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