He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
