I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
