if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
