hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
how drunk are you?
Several
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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