Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
