I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
This is not my ceiling
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
