People with herpes should wear stickers.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we're making bets on your personal life
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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