Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
