just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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