sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
