Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
