sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
