I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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