Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
