The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
did i walk over a car last night?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
