just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
