Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
