remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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