two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
When are your genitals available?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
