I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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