So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
