So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
