im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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