Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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