im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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