matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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