Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
