Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
