Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
