sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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